Don't mess with the peanut butter!

Somewhere along the way I dropped my guard and there has been a pantry security breach. Went to make my all-time favorite meal the other day and reached for the peanut butter and found 3 jars of pb. Only thing was, none of them were regular old peanut butter. Some tree huggin', croc wearing, all natural organic fiber, crackpot bought a jar of ORGANIC, a jar of ALL NATURAL and a jar of LOW FAT & LOW SUGAR peanut butter. Since when do you mess with a 50+ year tradition!!! No Skippy, No Jif, No store brand even. Just 3 jars of some stick in the throat and not to the roof of your mouth crap. One was sooooo oily I had to stir it. The other was sooooo dry I poured the oil from the first into the 2nd. The 3rd was soooo gritty, not crunchy; gritty, as in sand in your shorts gritty. Like chewing peanut butter on sandpaper bread. To the stinkin', tofu eating. sushi smelling creep that did this dastardly act I have just one thing to say, "GET THAT CRAP OUTTA MY PANTRY AND TAKE YOUR NO SUGAR ALL NATURAL JELLY WITH YOU!" Starving in Lancaster.