Monday, February 4, 2008
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Beasley's Blog
CBS 3 Sports Director Beasley Reece has the latest on news and views on the Philadelphia Eagles and other local sports teams.
The Wing Bowl - January 29, 2008
Super Bowl Sunday is upon us. The unofficial National Holiday matches Champions of the toughest Conferences in the World; the NFC and the AFC. This annual event is a devastating time for the American Chicken. The Chicken Wing is a staple of the game-time snack tray. Now "The Yard Bird" has a special problem in the City of Philadelphia. An interesting phenomenon was spawned in 1993 as a way to add to the competitive atmosphere leading up to the big game. It's a contest known as, "Wing Bowl."
This vile, disgusting, despicable, display of debauchery and gluttony is an annual exhibition of poor taste and foul behavior.
I know…I know…you just sighed and said to yourself, lighten up Beas. I simply feel compelled to remind you that the glorification of excess is a dangerous thing. It's the type of behavior that brought down the Roman Empire. Philadelphia is statistically one of the fattest cities in America. Where else can you find an annual contest that ranks up there with a Sixers or Flyers game when it comes to attendance? Think I'm exaggerating? Over 20,000 fans stuffed the Wachovia Center to witness Wing Bowl XV. This City is complaining about the quality of school lunches while it preps to host Wing Bowl in its Sports Complex.
And our bellies are adapting to the strain of the contest. The 1993 winner filled his colon with 100 wings. Back to Back Titlist, Joey Chestnut consumed (temporally) 182 "Barn Yard Bird" appendages to win last years gathering of competitive eaters.
Competitive Eaters! This is out of control. Who could live with a Competitive Eater in the house? Can you imagine the noises and smells that must eagerly escape a professional speed eater?
Let's review a few high points of the average Wing Bowl. Women expose themselves (tops and bottoms), there are food fights, extreme and creative strings of profanity from the fans, public intoxication, and female escorts in lingerie and bikinis. Those young ladies are known as Wingettes. To earn the right to escort a person who will soon be expelling partially mashed poultry parts, these Ladies allow themselves to be subjugated. Sex jokes, jeers, cat calls, whistles, and exploitive suggestions are part of the deal.
Several Wing Bowl Champions have become local celebrities. Bill Simmons, AKA El Wingador, is almost as famous as Donovan McNabb. Unlike #5, El Wingador is a four time Champion.
In short, this public gathering for gluttony, intoxication, and sexual depravity threatens our civic virtue.
And don't you for one second believe that I think my little sermon will change anything. In fact, I bet my description of the event prompted many of you go in search of a ticket.
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How about if we have a major sporting event without Referees, Umpires, Judges or Stewards? I Love that a 65 to one shot did ...
3 comments:
Well, If Beasley is on board then...
I am proud to say that I have never eaten one Wing in my life-time! Generally, I don't eat cooked food that you have to pick up with your hands...Grosses me out!
Pea,
Don't you eat VEAL LOAF? Ugghhh...
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