The Queen's Innocence Lost @ 30,000 feet.

If you buy a first-class plane ticket should your flight be guaranteed "first class"? A local Homecoming Queen was returning from a field hockey Disneyworld tourney Sunday night and as is befitting her regal status, she treated herself to a first class upgrade. Why not? What noble wants to travel with serfs in steerage? Minutes into the flight a 45ish, overtanned, wrinkly, smeared makeup wearing, braless, falling out of her muffin wearing, tube top bimbo, in the row behind her Amish royalness, started screaming at our Queen in drunken jibberish. Not being accoustomed to such verbal abuse Queenie was shocked! Bimbo lady then proceeds to grope the man across the aisle from her, later to be identified as the Superintendant of Schools for Baltimore County, and steals one of the files he was reading. She jams it in her handbag and points to Queenie and slurs, "Shleee took it!" A black male flight attendant tries to use his charm to end this standoff. Tube top girly apparently is looking for love in all the wrong places and seductively asks the attendant, "You the only brown boy on this plane?" Queenie feels herself blushing. Flight attendant training flies out the window. "Whatjewsaygirl?" "You call me boy?" Flight atendant 2 arrives to quell the seduction. In his sweet, southern, alternate lifestyle, loafer wearing, manicured nails, plucked eyebrow, masculine voice, asks muffin top momma, "Is there a problem miss?" Lush lady says, "Yesh, she (pointing to our tiara wearing heroine) stole his file!" "WHATTTTT?" Queenie yells. Loafer boy plops down next to our vodka -on-the-rocks lady and places his hand on her leg in an Oh-so-sweet-way. Being an admirer of the feminine lifestyle, I guess he felt they were intimate friends. So did Tube Momma as she grabbed his limp little wrist and shoved it down her Double D tube top and gave that boy the thrill of his life as she yells, "You're sexually assaulting me!" He blurts "Honey, I'm gay and wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole". After she grabbed Superintendant's buttocks as he stood to lodge a protest and before she sprayed the restroom with her now kidney filtered vodka, she was informed by Flight Attendant # 3, the former 1955 Miss TWA, that she would be arrested when the plane landed at BWI. Upon arrival, police and an anti-terror trained, rent a cop lady, who specializes in cavity searches, boarded and asked Tube Momma "Did you steal that man's file?" "Nope, SHE DID" as she fingers The Queen! Queenie has visions of an appearance on "Cops". After an illegal search and seizure, the file is found in Vodka on the rocks' handbag as she is dragged off pleading to Queenie, "HELP ME, HELP ME" Ahh, so that's what goes on behind those first class curtains.